House of Albion

Discussing life on a small island

Jesus: Live at the Apollo

Thursday, April 1st

This afternoon and in the spirit of the season, I dragged my Mother along to my daughter’s school’s Easter service at our village church.

The proceedings opened predictably enough with the usual line of children straggling into the building paying no attention whatsoever to their direction or intended destination. Their little faces preoccupied by a vague look of concern that always clouds their faces until they spot their owner. Mum obviously wasn’t fooling anyone this morning when, through gritted teeth, she assured mini-me that she would love to forfeit the chance to lay on the sofa watching TV and eating hob-nobs in order to spend an hour in the company of the ‘soccer-marms’ that she spends most of her life avoiding like the plague.

Anyway, back to the performance, the assembled family members grin with pride, point and nudge each other. Well at least they do when they finally manage to distinguish which child is theirs. This confusion is never alleviated by the fact that they must know what it was wearing when it left the house this morning and you would have thought, have a reasonable idea of what it looks like.

After a bit of shuffling as the actors are finally seated the teacher’s spring to life. In a triumph of optimism over experience what they must have thought, this time, was a thoroughly rehearsed and slickly polished performance begins.

Several minutes pass before the children catch up on the fact that the thoroughly rehearsed and slickly polished performance has begun. When it dawns on them that the desperate gesturing of their teachers and frantic stage whispering is directed at them they also leap swiftly into action.

As mentioned, our particular Easter service was held in church and as one would expect, the presiding Vicar was there to bring an element of the Christian values that made this country great to the occasion. To remind us that, as with all of our traditional holiday celebrations, a spiritual and weighty message lies behind the frivolity and merriment. Our Lord Jesus Christ died on the cross, in terrible agony to make amends for the sins of man, to wipe away original sin.

The Vicar in question decided to achieve this by donning a pair of comedy jam jar spectacles and putting on what can only be described as a ‘skit’. Vicar Good-Laugh entertained the delighted children with a slap stick reenactment of the surprise likely to have been experienced by the heartbroken disciples, on discovering that the son of God’s body had vanished. He did manage to suppress his own giggles long enough to snort over his microphone, by way of a reminder, that it was, in fact, a very sad occasion.

The assembled and completely thrilled children did not appear to buy into Vicar Good-Laugh’s half hearted conviction that this would have been likely to be correct at all.

Children of many religions, from Muslims to evangelical fundamentalist Christians, are prevented by their parents from attending school organised C of E holiday services. They feel that the doctrines and ideology inherent in Christianity do not fit with their religious beliefs and theology.

Well, problem solved; any tenuous link that the Church of England had to the bible or religion has officially ended. Replaced by what can only be described as a slapstick style stand up routine. In an attempt to remain contemporary the Church is pulling up its skirt’s and mooning it’s congregations.

Carry on Christianity: Coming soon to a church near you!


April 1, 2010 - Posted by | Uncategorized

1 Comment »

  1. Blasphemy! Blasphemy! This article is hilarious … almost felt like I was at the delightful proceedings! Please don’t say we have to wait until the Season of Goodwill for more of this … bring it on!!

    Comment by Sian Younis | April 1, 2010 | Reply

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